How it All began
My Daddy died on my boyfriend birthday February 10, 2014. I remember it like it was yesterday. Such a strange… swift transition that no one expected. Daddy was a great man…he meant the world to me. I did not say he was perfect, but he was always perfect for me. I never realized how true the saying “You don’t realize what you have until its gone” until all I have is a few pictures and memories. Let us take a quick a journey down memory lane, more like “Freddy Freeway”.
The Beginning
“Mom and Dad were high school sweethearts…Eastside High School to be exact (Lean on Me). Daddy was a cool guy. It did not surprise me that he had a Diva by his side. It was Daddy, Mommy, Romie (April 1988) & Me (April 1989). Life was good.”
I did not know any difference. Both parents were present and loving. Provision was always made. It was not too much I wanted as a child I did not get. Daddy was a jack of all trades, but I remember him working for an oil company, as a truck driver, construction worker, auto body expert and car painter, home repair, etc. Daddy was always about the money. He would work on the clock during the week and hustle on the weekends.
Aht Aht, nothing illegal. He would take additional clients for autobody he completed in my grandparent’s driveway or on the street. I can smell the primer and sandpaper as I type lol. As career driven as he was, he was also the ultimate family man. Daddy was the second born of three children. His older brother lived in Chilhowie, Va. That was a long way from our hometown Paterson, New Jersey. That did not make a difference to him. I will never forget one evening My Dad said he wanted to go see his brother. It had to be about 8pm. My Mom packed our bags and us in the car and we were pulling up to my Uncle Toot house before sunrise. That is love. Daddy was present. Football practice, Basketball practice, Choir rehearsal, Sports games, Performances, barbershops, hair salons, nail salon HE WAS THERE.
Daddy was a Big Guy…Gentle Giant if you will. Mess with his money or family he was
more like the Incredible Hulk, seriously. I never liked seeing that side…it made me sick to my stomach. Any who…Daddy got hurt on the job and had back surgery. It took awhile to recover but he did. Daddy had some health issues too none of which I knew until later. Like most parents they do not share that kind of news. No matter what was going on or how he felt he still took the time with us. We went fishing, skating, bike riding, sledding, swimming, amusement parks, zoo, lake trips, museum trips or just a train ride in NYC, you name it. Our experiences were endless with him, he did not let us just chill in the hood. We traveled and tried new things often. He also supported his nephews and even neighborhood kids to no end. Another one of my favorite memories is when Dad would buy a watermelon or ice pops and share with all the Pearl St. kids. When he slowed down, I knew his health was more serious than I thought.
The Divorce
Let us circle back to the high school sweethearts…let me just say after 20+ years their hearts were not sweet on one another anymore. I could remember countless arguments…cheating accusations…money trouble…and far more that was never disclosed to little ole me. As a kid we moved quite a bit. I don’t remember all the house/apartment numbers but I recall some of the streets in this order: 3 different addresses on Pearl St, a basement apartment on 15thAve, East 26thSt, Vreeland Ave, Maple Ave (Montclair, NJ), 14thAve and (Newark, NJ), plus a few more locations. Freddy’s highway is getting a little bumpy. One argument that scared me to death was one evening Mom, Dad, Romie and I were sitting at the kitchen table about to eat dinner. Mom made a big pot of spaghetti that night with some other stuff…maybe salad and garlic bread. I was about 11 years old all I remember is sitting down at the table ready to eat (y’all know that’s my favorite pass time lol) and some words was shared between my parents and then Incredible Hulk invited himself to dinner. Listen…. the table was flipped up…chairs flying one way and the beloved spaghetti the other way. Dad left the house immediately after that. I ran off crying, confused, and still hungry. I can recall a few other occasions home life just was not healthy for their union and not for us, “the kids”.
The Love
Daddy loved hard. He was an example of how to honor your Mother and Father. He absolutely adored them and never wasted a moment spreading his love. Daddy loved me so much I became what some folks say “spoiled”. I would call it well taken care of *wink wink*. Daddy loved me so much he did not mind bending the truth a little bit. Everywhere he went he told people about my singing. He even went on to say I was on BET. At that time, it was not true however I have had a few opportunities to bring his words to life. His love also looked like a $4 disposable camera because that is exactly what it was. Daddy pulled up to every performance front and center taking picture after picture. *Insert disposable camera noise here* Dads love also looked like multiple visits to my high school for lunch. Daddy got me the good stuff…local pizzeria pizza, Jamaican food, McDonalds, etc. Front office staff already knew what time it was when his black big body Benz pulled up to Rosa L. Parks School of Fine and Performing Arts. Love is not only material things, but he operated best in that love language for me. Dad would drop me off to get my nails and pedicure done faithfully. When he returned, he would walk in and pay. Pretty Nails downtown Paterson, NJ knew him by name. I will never forget visiting that same salon shortly after he passed to get my nails done and although I have been away for about 4-5 years, they still remembered me and asked about my Dad. My heart broke even more sharing the news of his recent passing.
The Hospital
Daddy was born with a weak heart. He was able to navigate life without much treatment but as he got older that seemed to haunt him. Dad had heart issues, kidney issues, high blood pressure, etc. Growing up I use to monitor his medication. He had a clever way of diagnosing himself taking what he wanted to take instead of what was prescribed. I tried to make it easy for him so I regifted him a small blue cosmetic bag I had to keep all his meds in. He used it faithfully. He was still hardheaded occasionally about taking it. Dad had severe shortness of breath after a while…he was not as spontaneous anymore due to his Dialysis schedule. Well…other than the time to make me a big sister at 20 years old, I love my Baby brother Boop. I will never forget the weekend of my college graduation; he was so upset he had to go to dialysis, he preferred spending time with me. I was away from home for 5 years on and off as a college student, he missed me. All Dads increasing health concerns made him a career patient at numerous hospitals. I recall taking him to a hospital when I was home and asking the triage nurse how many times, he has been in the hospital so far this year she replied “19 times” …
The End
Dad was doing okay. He took his medicine like he was supposed to, attended dialysis regularly and took it easy for the most part. Dad knew life was not as full as it once was, but he made the best of it. Dad had many health scares. I remember walking pass the bathroom once as he began to pass out. I had to splash water on his face and smack him several times. That scared my little cousin Lij and I so bad. Whether it was a good or bad day Dad never neglected to laugh. We would laugh so hard until we cried sitting in the middle of the living room floor. One day he randomly mentioned that he would not be here to see Boop graduate. I immediately dismissed it. February 2014, I planned an epic house party for my boyfriend (now husband) 30thbirthday. My weekend was well spent but I still had to go to work Sunday night. I was working 3rdshift at the women shelter in Raleigh, NC. I remember coming home that Monday morning and going straight to sleep after my shift. I woke up to numerous missed calls from my grandma, Romie, and Aunt B. I called back and was told Dad went to the hospital for what he thought was a stomach ulcer the weekend, but he was not doing good today, PRAY. I reached out to my prayer partners and solicited their prayers and then I eventually drifted back off to sleep. About an hour or so later I received a gut-wrenching call from my big brother Romie that our Daddy had passed…the world got dull and black immediately. I made it through the funeral…both. 1 in NJ and the other in NC. Now what?
Purpose reborn
I struggled through the stages of grief. I felt like no one understood my heartbreak, so I established what I needed. Father’s Day week 2017 I posted my desire to have a Father’s Day brunch for grieving Daddy’s girls. The support and push were evident so that is how “Forever Daddy’s Girl” was born. It went from a dinner party to mildly successful brunch attempts, but I am still showing up for my girls. Especially the 380+ grieving Daddy’s Girl all over the United States that follow my grief support group on Instagram, @ForeverDaddysGirll. Together we learn daily how to Live, Learn, and Laugh again like a Daddy’s Girl should FOREVER.
Okay this is my exit. Until next time, choose peace,
Alicia G.
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